Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
