I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
