My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
