if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
