i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
