those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
