Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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