What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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