Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
