The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
