So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
