It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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