You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize
