yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I have tasted many bathrooms
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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