i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
