The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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