Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
