JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I've blown a few things in my day
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
