I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
