Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
