My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Randomize
