when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I have tasted many bathrooms
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
