it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
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He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
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I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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