and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
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I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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