I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
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Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
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It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
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