we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
