I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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