What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
