HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
