I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
