I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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