...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
