a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
