i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
