How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
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I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
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Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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