Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
The best revenge is premature balding
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
