Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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