you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Everyone says I win the strip club
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
