Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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