So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
being pregnant is like rehab
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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