Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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