every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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