so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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