I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
