Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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