Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
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apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
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He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.