I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?