Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
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I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
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It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.