Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
These People Encountered Celebrities in Bizarrely Normal Places
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Man Helps Gorilla Find His Next Tinder Date
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.