weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant