is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.