"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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