Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i just wanna soil my oats bro
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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