i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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