So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
He kissed a someone with a penis
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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