my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
