At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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