On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
