listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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