I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
His nipple licking is glorious
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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