i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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