Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
