The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.