Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked