she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
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Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
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On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...