don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.