i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
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he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
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When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot