can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.