Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
