glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.