my mouth tastes like poor choices
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
