Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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