the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
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