I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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