dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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