Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
