Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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