soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just want nice things and good sex
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Randomize
