what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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