Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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